Wednesday, April 29, 2009

To write or not to write...

I haven't written anything for quite sometime now and the reason being that I do not know where to start and how to say things without necessarily offending others, not that I have ever cared much about the latter. Over time I have either developed a narcissistic trait or else got to realize the insignificance of most of the people whom I meet. I observe how they interact, how they spend hours arguing over trivialities and how they find joy in banter. In reality, it is probably their behavior that is in fact human, all too human. But I cannot relate to them or their interests; for me their earthiness is not just disappointing but simply stifling. So I stand at my balcony every evening to look down at the overwhelming stream of humanity in the streets below. They all wear different clothes, carry themselves differently and scurry in different directions. Yet they do not appear as individuals. They are all unaware participants in a composition laid out by an unknown artist. Their only function is to serve as the basic element of a larger crowd. These are the ones that haven't been burdened with the realization of the horror of mortal existence. It is difficult to say whether I feel sorry or contempt for them, but I am only too happy to barricade myself against their encroachment into my life. Their vulgar ways and bigoted beliefs will be too poisonous and excruciating for me to bear. And maybe even their ignorance and blindness is contagious too. I cannot take a chance with that. I will either stand atop a tower and look down at them or go underground for ever. A self-imposed exile to the nether world is better than to be infected with their vices and their intellectual bankruptcy. But before you judge me, let me tell you that I did call out to them -more than once, but they couldn't hear me or perhaps they do not want to hear me. Or maybe I don't even speak their language. That is why I neither call out to them anymore nor scribble in this notebook. Alas, I could never figure out where to start, but my only consolation so far is that there is an end for sure.

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